idk what to do.. he says that hes not passionate anymore..but he loves me… although that loves changed a lil bit. he doesnt know if were going to separate yet.. were just in this place where he neeeds to think and i just keep crying. Its partly my fault.. and he said that he cant show me the same affection that i show him everyday and he knows it hurts me..and i guess hes tired of it hurting me..idk.. lastnight we slept without even touching.. and our whole 5 months together we always held hands or hugged. It was so lonely. and i woke up at 5 am crying and i hugged hi. and he hugged me back. but its not the same.. i keep crying and he just sits there. im prolly freaking him out cause he hasnt even made a decision yet. but i just keep crying.. and hes trying to make it seem as if everything isnt as bad as it is… he’s trying to be normal about it.. but i cant. i see all the memories of us together and i cry… i think about all the memories we havent made yet.. and i cry. i remember how i spoke to him about getting married a while back and how he entertained the idea.. and now, knowing that it might be coming to an end.. its crashing down and im so lost. i dont know how ill handle this. [however that may sound so dramatic im sorry] but im so scared…i cant bear the thought of someone else in our room..someone else having those memories with him. i dont know if i can let him go if we separate. I dont want to lose him..but i admit…if he want to separate than ill leave so he can be happy. ~thanks for listening. <3

so i went and bought my boyfriend a balloon and candy as a early valentines gift…

it wasnt what i expected it to be.. he handled it terribly. what a way to burst my bubble.

instead of a ” aww thats so sweet.”

i got a ” I cant take that in here we have no place to put it and i cant put it in the kitchen” which i cant understand why not…i didnt wanna ask him to repeat what he said cause he doesnt like that. so i just played it off somewhat ok.. and went and put everything in the car.

and then as if realizing ” oh hello he got that for me.” he throws in a ” it looks cute tho” and wth.. that has no meaning in it.. that was just to turn my frown upside down. which didnt work at all.

if he came to my work and had what i had… i wouldnt care about anyone else around me. why should i? its not gna kill you to receive it.. i know he didnt want to walk around with the balloon..but he could have just approached it better…instead of looking irritated and anxious that someone was going to see me with it & they would know it was for him..

i was just trying to show him how special he is…

i know im usually showing him my affection but this is different! its frigging an early valentines.

i understand that he isnt fond of public affection…but it doesnt matter on a day like valentines..even if i was a day early! i just wanted a lil surprise for him..

why doesnt he know these things? god.. guys dont know anything about how other guys think.

[ i know it sounds stupid but im no girl so screw it. ]